It’s not how hard you fall…

It’s not about how hard you fall, or how far.

It’s if you get back up again. And again.

It’s World Cancer Day and I thought this would be a good thought to share.

I have low points – just as everyone else does. And they’re just as low. The last couple of weeks in India have been really tough for me (maybe a surprise behind all the smiling photos). Nothing’s been straightforward: I’ve had food poisoning, my nose has been bashed in, my Mum had to spend an extra week isolating after a positive test, I’ve been pedalling hard on the bike, almost constantly dodging motorbikes, curious people wanting selfies and wincing at deafening horns. There’s big uncertainty about the onward route of the ride: getting into China is not at all straightforward.

I’m not complaining about these things – and there are many amazing things about India (very caring people, incredible food, amazing vibrancy to life and stunning temples and sites) – but I’m explaining why I’ve felt quite down the last few days.

And it sucked. Just like it does for you, or anyone else. And I also felt like a bit of failure. “Why can’t I just find this less difficult?” I asked myself. “Why can’t I change my attitude?” I wondered. “I’m mentally strong – why am I finding it tough? Why am I still feeling depressed?”

But so often it’s not that straightforward. You can’t stop yourself from feeling the way you are feeling. You need to acknowledge it and accept it.

I’m not sure there’s a silver bullet or failsafe that breaks the cycle of negative thoughts.

But for me, this time, and for several others, it was going for a run. Not just a run where I plodded round, but a run where – inexplicably – I wanted to run faster, to push my body. And as I began to do so, I felt the Luke I knew coming back. Determined, strong, and excited for what was to come. By the end I felt like I was flying; I was working hard but it felt so good.

So what I realised is that it wasn’t how low you go in the lows that defines you – it’s about picking yourself up and out of those ruts. It’s one of the most difficult things to do, but keep trying and trying and trying until you find something that does work.

And today – thinking about everyone who faces the challenge of cancer around the world. You get knocked back time and time again. You can feel like it’s never going to be better. You can feel like you’re failing to live positively. You can feel like you’re failing to try. But keep trying. And trying. Because eventually, you will pick yourself up. And you’ll start running your life again.

P.S. There’s a second part to this. Working out what you can control, and making the changes necessary to get you through a rough patch. For example, there were additional weights on my mind about if and how I would go through Myanmar. Too much uncertainty, too much stress. Not essential to get to Beijing. Cut it out.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve found India pretty tough – as well as incredible. I found I didn’t recognise myself – I had lost my curiosity and desire to chat to people. Rather than try to push myself to do something which, frankly, I couldn’t – realised I had to accept the way I felt (even if it felt like a key part of my identity took a hit). Thanks to advice from the thoughtful and personable Al Humphreys, my plan is now to embrace the physical challenge to ride  to Kolkata as fast as possible. This has helped me find some I am excited to do.

So onwards, and hopefully, upwards.  Good luck to everyone reading this. Hopefully you are doing better than I was, but if not, remember:

- It’s ok to feel demotivated and down – it’s just sometimes how we feel

- To think about what changes can you make to the situation to turn it into something you’re excited about

- To keep, keep, keep trying. Keep knocking on that door and eventually you’ll turn a corner and be back on the road. That’s mental strength.

Running is often my way of resetting and re-energising.